The Quarter life Sankata

Every time I open my blog page, I silently weep for the dead commitment I made years ago to start this page. Its not Writer’s block. If there is no flow of thought, what’s a block to stop it? A friend of mine once made me realize that ‘Writer’s Block is a perception’. Hence, I decide to un-perceive my perception about a misconception.

I read my older post about being twenty, about how I (tried to ) sound mature and how it all translates to me now, 3 years later. So let’s begin with the tiny ‘Story so Far’. I have successfully completed my  B.E Telecommunications with an 8-something CGPA- not knowing anything about transmitters, but knowing fully that none of that will ever help me in my life. I am not, and will not be able to do an MBA, a fact I have accepted sorely and pacified my virgin resume that I will work on  more ‘experience’ for it to devour.  My family is a whole new compartment of the Pandora’s box, so let’s not get there. EVER. My best friends are either in another part of the country, another part of the city, another part of the industry, or quietly sulking in the other parts of my office, each battling their own fears and problems. And amidst all this mess, I have kept myself miraculously sane ( that’s what I tell myself), although I am told my personal life resume doesn't look good coz I've never been in a relationship. Bah. ‘Peoples’. 

I don’t really know, but right now I feel it’s a part of how we grow up. All your life, you grow up with no real ‘Peoples’ to credit you for the good and smart things you do or criticize you for the dumb things you do. And when you do something new later in life, suddenly there's a mob of ‘Peoples’ who are singing your praise- so much so that you fly out of Earth, never to return to the realm of being smart anymore. OR criticize you so bad, that all you want to do is curl into a ball of pity and cry yourself to sleep with your ultimate Agony Aunt- Nutella.

‘Peoples’ often tell me Puberty is a challenging phase, the mind the body and the soul develops. If I meet these ‘Peoples’ again, I will ask them to SHUT UP. It is these ‘people’ who hype puberty, and deprive you of the realization of the real changes that you go through, and weaken you for the things that lie beyond puberty- LIFE itself. I’ll tell you what is a challenging phase- Viola! The Quarter life crisis, and the million other crises we will come to face after that. You know you are Gen Y if you are facing the Mid-life crisis as the newly branded Quarter life crisis and your head is totally fucked up about so many things at the same time. Adding spice to this plethora of confusing entropy is the fact that you STILL DO NOT know what you want to do with life that’s put you in this crisis in the first place. No. It is not normal when you are talking to new friends or catching up with the ones you almost have, about what you want to do in life, how sulky you get with you are doing now, or worse, how you sulk about sulking too much in the recent past.

No offence to IT professionals. The job is bloody challenging ( I mean it), even more so,  the documentation involved ( This I mean more). My point here is that most of us DO NOT know what to do professionally. We do not know the options that the market provides for us. I have grown to realize I can be potent- I have had MANY people tell me that. But at what? Unless I figure that out, I will remain the tiny speck in a crowd of ‘Peoples’, growing into a self-loathing 40-year old advising the next batch of kids about something they are clueless about .

I will take a step up on behalf of the Gen Y kids, to recite a theory I came up with- “Every Gen Y person consciously/subconsciously Hates what she/he/it does currently  if they were asked to or made to do it (Bandwagon effect) with no real sense of direction”. I’ll take my own example, (Since this blog is about how messed up I am, your prejudice to my character will hardly matter):
I took up Science. Why? HTTP 404: File or Directory not found

I took up Engineering in Telecommunications. Why? HTTP 404: File or Directory not found

I took up the offer at a leading Tech Consulting company. Why? HTTP 404: File or Directory not found

I chose to write this blog now. Why? Because I’m angry. Angry at life, Confused with life, and just want to accept that fact and not delude myself. I have calmed down many a times telling myself that it’s not a good thing being angry, but my experience so far says that a bit of this anger is good. You need the anger. To do something disruptive, something reckless, in the hope that it will change your ways for the good.